I hate Nicholas Sparks...

Hate is a strong word, in fact, I try not to use it unless it is truly necessary. I strongly encourage my children to use other words in it's place, for example"you don't HATE peas, you just don't like their taste, right?"



But I HATE Nicholas Sparks. He is just plain mean and should be hated, because he writes WONDERFULLY romantic sweet books and then clobbers you with intense and deeply sad endings to those books. And it is MOST of his books too.



A harsh statement, I know, But here's the proof..



My first encounter with Mr Sparks: Late spring / early summer. 1999. I was working at Fantastic Sam's doing hair and barely pregnant with Elasta Girl. On most of my days off from Sam's, I would hang out with my parents. On one particular day, we chose to go to a movie. Message in a Bottle. And an even bigger mistake, my mom and I invited my Dad. You'll soon know why.





Neither one of us had read the book so we didn't know what we were in for - utter sadness. The movie went on nice and predictable with two people FINALLY falling in love and then it hit, as soon as the man decides to give the love he had for his dead wife to another. He goes out to sea with a goodbye letter (in a bottle) for her. He dies! Yes, trying to rescue a family from another boat. The other boat people are saved and he, and his hopes for love drown.



My Mom was sobbing, I was sobbing. My dad was sitting in between us. Not even a little misty eyed. Finally bored and a little embarrassed, he pats both of our knees, stands up and says: "It's only a movie". And walks down the isle to the car. He was not on our team. Not for a LONG time. To this day my mom said she would have bought that movie if they had just had the man clinging to a rock or something with the Coast Guard in the distance coming to the rescue.



My second encounter was another book made into a movie. A cute little movie with a cute girl and a very cute boy. By now I had read a book or two of his but they were happy ending ones. Probably the only two he has ever written. I went with my best friend Emily.







Sad sad sad. She's a nerd, he's the popular boy in need of some tutoring. She makes him promise not to fall in love with her. He laughs and agrees. But he does fall in love, all the while not knowing she's dying of cancer. Yep, I was suckered in again.



Then along comes The Notebook. I read this one first, and it's friend The Wedding. (Which wasn't sad) I wasn't crying so much for the ending as for the perfect relationship they had that I didn't. My hubby is great, and we are great together but theirs was perfectly beyond great.

I cried and cried. My friend Shan watched The Notebook too and wrote an email to all her friends afterwords. She was mad at that guy also.

Then last year, I was at Target, we were going to Jackson Hole for a family vacation and I was desperate for a book. I saw a new one called True Believer by Nicholas Sparks. Would I dare? I bought it and it was nice and happy. Then I noticed there was a sequel, At First Sight. I should have stopped while I was a head. I also should have read the reviews first. They used words like "multi-hankie romance" and "have plenty of tissues on hand".

That brings us to last Sunday. And the reason for this post. My in-laws buy movies instead of going to the theater, it is actually a good idea. Cheaper, and you get your own snacks, comfy seats and all the bathroom breaks you want. Anyway, I saw they had bought this:

Another movie based on a book by Nicholas Sparks, They hadn't watched it yet. Heidi told me to just borrow it. I'd read the book but couldn't remember what it was about. I think my memory loss was a coping mechanism. I told her I didn't want it if it was sad. She didn't tell me anything. She's mean too. But more lovable.

More uncontrollable SOBBING, but very quietly. Mr Smith was sitting in front of me and I was trying not to let him know I was crying. He tends to act like my dad. Boys just don't understand. I was a mess. And told Mr Smith right there that I was going to tell the world (maybe just the 6 people who read my blog) just how I feel about Mr Sparks.

The next day, at the foot Doctors (don't ask) waiting room I saw lady who had just started reading At First Sight. I almost warned her but I am to shy.

It is NOT just a movie.

PS, Sorry if I spoiled any endings for you. You should thank me.