Saturday, January 31, 2009

Abusive? I'm innocent...

I am a abusive wife. But only when I am asleep. Yes, apparently I whacked Mr Smith not once, but twice in the night. I remember one of the whackings because I patted his head after words. I'm not so bad. Then, this morning we were laying in bed basking in the "no children up yet" glory and I head butted him in the nose. He has a very "grand" nose so it's not that hard to head butt.

Isn't he cute? Why would I ever hurt him?

Before you call the authorities or judge me, let me explain. We have a very LARGE bed, in fact it barely fits in our room. I like to have my pillow fairly close to the edge of the bed so I can stick my short little legs out of the covers in the night. (my feet get hot) Mr Smith likes to put his pillow right against mine. (pretty much the middle of the bed) He claims it is so he can be close to me and cuddle. I don't buy it, I think he just wants to take up ALL of the room - And then when I move (in my sleep) and whack him, he can complain about it - A LOT.

Would this face do anything to harm anyone, EVER?? I'm innocent, I tell you.

As for this face...I don't know what to tell you. It's got something sneaky about it.

This abuse goes way back. When I was pregnant with Ru I actually had a dream that I whacked him so hard in my sleep, because he was so close, that I killed him. Pregnancy brings on a lot of craziness, and my dreams are very real. I woke up so upset and worried and actually SICK about it that I made him promise to sleep farther away from me. He has not kept his promise so I'm pretty sure it is his own fault. (isn't that the kind of thing abusers say?)

As for the head butting, I was just moving my hair out of my face. The End.

5 comments:

Jessica said...

I KNOW it was his fault. You're the girl. You're always right, right? Plus, there is something sneaky about his face...
I believe you. I'll post bail.

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

Oh, look'it that little innocent face. The one in color, not the sneaky black and white one. And then, look'it his all wrinkly, innocent forehead. And that smile...wait, that might not be a smile. That might be a smirk. Hummmm.

I have an idea. Since you're such a dwarf, er, height challenged person, you could sleep sideways, your head would be in the middle of the bed and your tootsies could stick out, getting chilled. Then Max could snuggle your head and your arms, when they whacked something, would smack nothing--the bed--thin air. Max would be smackless.

TeamGornold said...

oh hil, you are a meany!! ha ha, just kidding. i had a dream the other night that max invited b and i to go bass (the fish) hunting. when he came to get us, b could not longer go, but i went and all of out hunting was underwater and i was the queen bass spearer. i speared more than him!!! ha ha! it was quite odd, but i was a dead eye shot and my fish were fantastic!!
hmmm.... totally weird. thought i would let you know!

Unknown said...

I am personally a little bit glad you're whacking him, but don't tell him or I'll get in trouble. When we were little kids we would have sleepovers in the big bed in his room, and if I got on his side, he would wake me up by hitting me so I could get back on my side. So I think karma is just coming to get naughty, naughty Max. You are its helpless tool. It is not your fault!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Lady!

Your public impatiently awaits your next blog post! Chop chop!